All isolated and dusted, it feels like my legs are catching fungus. Nobody’s around to wipe off the dirt from me, to drag me out of this humid ambiance. Perhaps it’s the time of departure from the world, extremely desolating. Indeed twenty years was not a small time, but not my lastingness developed any feeling in his heart? I wonder. Giving comfort was my ambition ever since. When he cried, complaining, my gentle lap brought him to sleep. “But why would human care? I m just a chair!” .This similar treatment their old parents receive, the incomparable comparison tranquilizes me.
How does it make you feel?
It’s such a relaxing view
The light so subtle and yet so bright
Nothing blocks the eyes from diving into the hue
Do you ever look at the stars my love?
Do you ever think how much they resemble you?
I could stare at them all day
But the night only allows the view
For the day has other cues to present
They are needed for the survival of the likes of you
And then comes the night and its holy hours
And the eyes take a bath in tears and dew
She lay on her bed, all wrapped up in the blanket of her warm thoughts, she realized that it had been long she felt it that way. Few months back, all she ever felt was betrayed and broken. And now suddenly the feeling of completeness is back to her, the blood from heart that once oozed out has now filled back in. The dim dawn light from her window falls on her white skin, and she smiles dizzily looking at the bluish white sky with her tired eyes, it had been all night.
She reached for her phone and reads the whole conversation again and again. It had been all night that she was busy texting with the man of her dreams. She frowns at all her thoughts and wonders whether everything she is thinking is going to work this time out. Then she lies back, close her eyes, and murmurs to herself “have faith… just have faith”.
The three months crucial period she had been through, all she was struggling to give up on was the same man. She misunderstood him for betraying her, for being treated like a trash, for being thrown away. Then she thought, misunderstood? Did I misunderstand him? Was that a breakup or a break? All these blended speculations about the chance had kept her awake from sleeping.
It’s so weird, she thought. How can one feel two different things about the same person? She resented him but still admired him, she wanted to dismiss him from her mind but could she possibly do it? She sighed and left the bed of cerebration to let her out into the open air.
The balcony was the only place where she thought brainwork could possibly be done, and at this moment all she needed to involve was her brain not her heart. She closed her eyes and took a deep long breath, inhaling the clean morning air along with the wetness of flowers dew. Everything around her inspired her evermore and above all the supernatural love she had for him overwhelmed that everything.
Up till now all she was wondering was whether he is worth a second chance. But her mind had already started making plans for her future with him. She yawns tiredly realizing it’s a waste to even be thinking so much because all that she thinks does not matter as soon as she sees the tenderness in his eyes for her. And when he grabs her in his arms without even knowing how badly she craved for it, the walls she tried to draw already breaks.
She laughs and face the freshest rays of the sun, illuminating herself , knowing where this feeling leads her and yet letting it take over her like she is ready , like she is strong enough again. That all they had been through were merely misunderstandings which may occur over and over but may not always lead them to where they always lead to.
The loud horn of the car breaks her meditation and she looks down her balcony, her sleepy tired face splits into a big smile and she waves at him. And there he stood, waving a bunch of fresh flowers at her with the recognized smile she always adored. She smiles back and wonders, “can you stop killing me already?”.
“Take me down to the river bend… Take me down to the fighting end… wash the poison from off my skin.. Show me how to be whole again… cuz I’m only crack.. In this castle of glass… Is there anything else I need to be…?” the bus stopped harshly, jerking him forward, Letting him off the drifted thoughts that had kept him engaged. He paused the song he had been listening and walked with a turtle pace towards his home , wondering whether the song was based on him?
The song fitted so well on his life but then his mind paused “Life..?” Did he have one? He thought. Office was nothing but an ordeal that he had to bear 10 hours every day. No sense of achievement or any future sight of accomplishment in career. He hated the place. And his colleagues hated him. Why? He wondered. They named him tension at office and he smiled looking down at the rough road, “what more did I deserve?” The thoughts paused until he was busy unlocking his empty home.
As he entered in, the evening light from the window flashed onto him and the darkness prevailed his heart, the thoughts came flashing in again. Why can’t I return home with a big smile on my face with my loved ones present inside to welcome me with their arms wide open. He threw his office bag at the sofa and sat at the floor, trying to engulf the same thought he got every day.
He took a deep breath and looked around, Home, another creepy place which served as merely walls that he starred sleeplessly every night.
He went in his closet and changed. While doing so, he saw his old drawing pad lying in the dust thus he pulled it out. He went through the pad, page by page and was mesmerized. Watching amazing sketches of beautiful ladies, vast sceneries summarized on a small canvas, live sketches made of familiar faces. He sighed and threw the pad away. He starred at his hands; they started shivering as he looked at them close. “You are so awesome dude! You will be a great artist one day..!” his mind echoed with what his friends used to say. What happened to you..? a deep voice asked him. He was uncertain of the answer himself. He looked away and his eyes caught the awards of appreciation that stood on his closet, he narrowed his eyes to read. First position in singing, He laughed aloud in irony but somehow he had forgotten the art. He pulled himself back believing those were old times that couldn’t be brought back.
Dinner was served but he had lost his appetite long ago. His phone rang, He attended a brief call from his so called girlfriend, and He finally ended the conversation resulting with a harsh reply from the other side. I am still pretty lame in making excuses. He thought.
He went to his room, switched on his laptop and scrolled down to his movie collection; he knew the long list by heart. How many times he had watched every single one of them? Yet he played The Last Samurai. He saw tom cruise slashing guys like butter. I wish I could do that, he thought. But then he realized how so many things he had wished for but never actually gave them a try, his determination and will power was buried under tons of bricks. But why ? Too many questions and too many thoughts that was the only answer. he switched off the laptop and went to bed, watching the ceiling as per routine. Its going to be a long night again.
He closed his eyes, maybe tomorrow was going to be different, and maybe tomorrow was going to be a start of something unique and special. He hadn’t felt this peculiar sensation that he could feel in him at the moment like he would burst out like a star, the thought was like a lullaby and he fell asleep.
The bus screeched, He came back home, nothing had changed. He went to look himself in the mirror and smiled.
Every now and then , people come across such times in life when they have no one to look for assistance. These are the times when you understand that you were sent for yourself not for the one you most cared for. Self dependency is a must thing to survive in this world. You can never rely on someone who once helped you. He might now be so occupied in helping himself that he will not even bother to just listen about your misery.
Also, if once you were a helping hand to someone doesn’t necessarily mean that the same person will assist you in your indurate times. This world is jammed with such people, the sooner one realizes it the better it is. Be proud you served someone for the good, but next time remember when in Rome, do as the Romans and never bother about it.
Sooner or later , after having such experiences one believes that it’s not others who are responsible to make him happy , it’s just himself who he can rely on. And that’s true. Self reliance is an important key to success which has to be realized by everyone and those who apply it in their lives are the happiest people on earth.
Unfortunately the male dominance all around the world makes woman rely on her man too much. She thinks it’s love and love means making him the centre of all her attention and that her every minute issue could only be solved if he gave a damn about it. A teen girl who knows nothing about the world considers her boyfriend as a super hero, who would take her out of every trouble. Now what happens when that same super hero stops coming to her rescue?
When he hits her with the ball of fire and offers her a check on reality and abandons her for his selfish means. That’s when the fantasy gets over for her and she steps into the real world. Furthermore, there is no one who hears her weep all night, no one offers a single hug to make her feel better. All she is ever left with is herself and eventually she passes through it all by herself.
Later when she gets over that phase and looks back to see herself , she realizes how far she has come and then acknowledges that there definitely was a super woman too , which was within herself.
So those people who are somehow suffering should realize how fruitful it is to depend on themselves and expect no one to even stand in your shoe for even a second . Recognize yourself and go for what’s best for you. Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
I saw her puking blood out , she still didn’t lose her grip on me and tried to pull me in. It scared me to death when I almost flipped onto her and pulled away , pushing her far from me. I stood back , watching her die. Taking her final breaths , her eyes wide open and fixed on me as if still inviting me to embrace her. After one last long breath , her body went loose and she departed the stage of existence.
I stood there, so bewildered of the situation I was in. I didn’t know who this woman was, I didn’t even recognize her because of the brutality she suffered made herself hide beneath the red. I just stood still right in front of a dead corpse whose blood was still oozing out. All I knew was, she jumped or probably was thrown from the apartment I live in , this reason made me more curious to find out about the dead woman. But at that time, seeing someone die that savagely kept me numb and affixed at my position and thus I didn’t even bother to make a call for an ambulance but someone from the crowd did.
The ambulance arrived after half an hour and so was the police force who pushed the mob back from the body. I stood back, watching them work. Nobody came to question me, although I was the only witness to see the whole thing happen . I went and stood beside my neighbour, she was weeping and I had no idea why. I whispered “ Do you know who that woman is? Was she someone we know?” but she didn’t hear a thing. She just mumbled “ why stephnie why would you do this?” her tears didn’t seem to stop. I looked at her in astonishment “what did I do?” she seemed to completely ignore me. I tried to ask again, but a police officer walked towards us.
The police officer sympathetically said “I m sorry about your friend, stephnie Watson. She committed suicide which is very obvious that she jumped…….” I got a shock when I heard those horrifying words come out his mouth and nothing more was audible to me.He kept talking to her, but I could hear nothing anymore. Adrenaline rushed in my body like I took a heavy dose of it, “I AM ALIVE” I screamed inside. I rushed through the yellow strips printed black and followed my blood. I sat near the body and held her face for identification , I managed to wipe the thick mass of gore with my bare hands, her features could then be spotted. I was out of my senses, but what I saw blew them away completely. She gazed back at me with her green eyes still wide open, but her dead stare gave the benefit of the doubt to what the officer had stated.
I pushed her away at the drop of a hat and ran to escape the masquerade ,” I must be dreaming” my mind echoed the thought. But I had hit myself ten times into the dark street wall by now yet I was wide awake in the same scenario. I blacked out after few minutes merely because of the trauma that caused me or perhaps thats what happened to all dead people who end up knowing about their departure from the world and woke up in the life everlasting.
After a while, I came back to my senses in the same dark street, with the acceptance that I was now some extraterrestrial being. But I was not alone, there was someone with me. It was a tall man wearing black cloak whose head was covered in a veil. It seemed like some kind of horror movie rambling in reality, but could it be this scary ?
He whispered with gasps “you died , you are dead!” , hearing those words brought back my emotions of grief but I held myself from crying out loud. I gave a nod. The spirit started to walk and I followed him without his command. He walked to my body , I tumbled to the ground and went numb seeing my corpse all over again , I lost all control ,and started to yell to the spirit in immense pain “please , please send me back to her please I beg you” . I looked at the motionless object in front of me and cried to him “ why, why wasn’t I saved? Why were my problems not dealt by God? “ the spirit did not answer and started to walk away with his back at me.
I screamed to him “tell me, tell me!” I yelled in desperation. He turned with some weird organ like structure in his skeletal hands. It was my brain that looked more like a bunch of dead worms and the spirit rubbed it with his harsh hands. He walked to me then stopped at a distance then finally said “you used it more than you were required to…”. And then he disappeared.
The word humanity has now been replaced with brutality. It has been known that, humans are like animals except that they possess an organ called the “brain” which is far more efficient than other creatures. Though with time it has also been proven that humans are not just ‘like’ animals but that they ‘are’ savagely zoological.
The reason I highlighted the brain is because how often, do we proud humans make worthy use of it? Brains teach people to read, write and invent which is appreciable. Now the same agent is also enabling humans destroy other humans merely for power which is worldly and will not accompany us in the hereafter.
Brutalism is at its peak all over the world. The Israel-Gaza war is a recent case in point which has caused deaths with such savageness that the mind also finds hard to comprehend. Regardless of logical reasons, whatever the conflict started over had nothing to do with Gazan children and women. Why didn’t the battle take place at a battle field? Is it justified to throw bombs on people’s residences, kill the unborn in their mother’s womb, execute the children and deprive Palestine of an entire generation?
Brutality has become so widespread that it is now passable by people.Though mass social media declaring “I support Gaza” did reflect strong support on part of the common people, but all the Middle Eastern power greedy nations were quite when the cries of Gazan children echoed, no Muslim countries apart from a couple sent aid to their fellow Muslim brothers.
Lust for power has destroyed homes and lives but what desirous leaders tend to ignore is that what happened at Gaza might someday happen to the same country that they rule at the moment.
Same is the case of my motherland, Pakistan. Suicide attacks, murders, target killings of innocent individuals has now become so common that we Pakistanis don’t panic at all after hearing such dreadful news on the television. People don’t find anything new ,” it’s a routine that that ten to twenty people die on the streets of Pakistan” says a man who comes home exhausted after work, sitting in front of the television fulfilling his political curiosities while listening to talk shows.
Such responses show that people have become immune to this extreme exposure of brutality. It has become inadequate to treat such things as a sign of danger. The criminal series very popular on television these days further become encouraging for ruthless people. They teach creative murder techniques and appealing handsome criminals who seem to be so intelligent that people feel attracted to such characters of the play.
Trust me all of this is not cool at all. I hope and pray that people take a brave stand against these savage criminals and may God melt the hearts of those who have become frozen with complacency. Let’s make the world, which is only a place of temporary existence, a place where people can live in harmony and die a natural death with relief.