“Take me down to the river bend… Take me down to the fighting end… wash the poison from off my skin.. Show me how to be whole again… cuz I’m only crack.. In this castle of glass… Is there anything else I need to be…?” the bus stopped harshly, jerking him forward, Letting him off the drifted thoughts that had kept him engaged. He paused the song he had been listening and walked with a turtle pace towards his home , wondering whether the song was based on him?
The song fitted so well on his life but then his mind paused “Life..?” Did he have one? He thought. Office was nothing but an ordeal that he had to bear 10 hours every day. No sense of achievement or any future sight of accomplishment in career. He hated the place. And his colleagues hated him. Why? He wondered. They named him tension at office and he smiled looking down at the rough road, “what more did I deserve?” The thoughts paused until he was busy unlocking his empty home.
As he entered in, the evening light from the window flashed onto him and the darkness prevailed his heart, the thoughts came flashing in again. Why can’t I return home with a big smile on my face with my loved ones present inside to welcome me with their arms wide open. He threw his office bag at the sofa and sat at the floor, trying to engulf the same thought he got every day.
He took a deep breath and looked around, Home, another creepy place which served as merely walls that he starred sleeplessly every night.
He went in his closet and changed. While doing so, he saw his old drawing pad lying in the dust thus he pulled it out. He went through the pad, page by page and was mesmerized. Watching amazing sketches of beautiful ladies, vast sceneries summarized on a small canvas, live sketches made of familiar faces. He sighed and threw the pad away. He starred at his hands; they started shivering as he looked at them close. “You are so awesome dude! You will be a great artist one day..!” his mind echoed with what his friends used to say. What happened to you..? a deep voice asked him. He was uncertain of the answer himself. He looked away and his eyes caught the awards of appreciation that stood on his closet, he narrowed his eyes to read. First position in singing, He laughed aloud in irony but somehow he had forgotten the art. He pulled himself back believing those were old times that couldn’t be brought back.
Dinner was served but he had lost his appetite long ago. His phone rang, He attended a brief call from his so called girlfriend, and He finally ended the conversation resulting with a harsh reply from the other side. I am still pretty lame in making excuses. He thought.
He went to his room, switched on his laptop and scrolled down to his movie collection; he knew the long list by heart. How many times he had watched every single one of them? Yet he played The Last Samurai. He saw tom cruise slashing guys like butter. I wish I could do that, he thought. But then he realized how so many things he had wished for but never actually gave them a try, his determination and will power was buried under tons of bricks. But why ? Too many questions and too many thoughts that was the only answer. he switched off the laptop and went to bed, watching the ceiling as per routine. Its going to be a long night again.
He closed his eyes, maybe tomorrow was going to be different, and maybe tomorrow was going to be a start of something unique and special. He hadn’t felt this peculiar sensation that he could feel in him at the moment like he would burst out like a star, the thought was like a lullaby and he fell asleep.
The bus screeched, He came back home, nothing had changed. He went to look himself in the mirror and smiled.